Posted by Chris Mandle, 07 February 2011
We like Jade Ewen. In all fairness, she got a raw deal, stepping off the Sugababes magical pop-conveyor belt to replace former member Keisha Buchanan. People were hostile.
People were losing count of who was in the Sugagabes and why, so here's a quick history lesson: the Sugababes have so far had 63 members throughout their 10 years as a band. Former members included Mutya ‘Kinder’ Buena, a girl called Sinnead who got depressed (eh?), that racist one from S Club 7, Dick Dastardly, SuBo and Gallactus, that planet eating monster from Fantastic Four.
But Jade has announced she will be performing on Taio Cruz’s track Higher for a Channel 4 performance, so let us remind you why she’s so brilliant in the first place…
Kylie Minogue’s vocals are actually on the single version, but she’s probably busy trying to steal her sister’s baby to make an appearance on C4. So Jade is filling some big (but actually very small) shoes.
Have you noticed Taio Cruz likes to duet with…er, everyone? Tinchy Stryder, Ke$ha, McFly, that racist one from S Club 7, Dick Dastardly, SuBo, er, Gallactus…
He’s like that kid FHM went to school with who had to have his mum walk him to the school gates. We’d mock him while pretending to smoke: "Ahh, little Jonny Bedwetter, needs his mum to walk him to school."
Only now it’s "ahh, little Taio Cruz, needs someone to collaborate with him to help his singles in the charts, because if he didn’t they’d all sound the same."
Fun fact: Taio Cruz wears sunglasses 24/7. If he took them off, his eyes would unleash an optic energy beam that would incinerate everything around him*.
*Might be confusing him with one of the X-Men.
No comments:
Post a Comment